Your date seems nice, but are they right for you? Look out for these 13 signs during the first few dates, and you’ll learn to read between the lines!
The first date is usually wrought with a lot of anxiety. But in defense of the people who had an awful first date and pretty awesome successive dates, the first date isn’t always a definitive factor in letting you know whether or not you and your date would really hit it off.
Who knows, your date may have been stressed out at work during your date, or he or she may be going through a tough time.
It takes a couple of dates to find out if the person you’re dating really jives with you. However, there are a couple of red flags you should watch out for when you’re just starting off dating. These things may not show themselves on the first date, but on the second, third and fourth date, you may start to notice a pattern in their behavior.
13 warnings signs to look out for on the first few dates
To ensure you’re not dating someone who’s a complete nut or simply just not your cup of tea, keep your eyes open for these 13 red flags.
#1 Doesn’t care about their appearance. When you’re out on a date, you would, of course, want to look presentable. You’d wear something clean and appealing like a crisp shirt or a cute dress. But if you start to notice that your date doesn’t put the least bit of effort into their appearance, then that’s a huge red flag.
It’s not just the clothes that you have to watch out for. You should also be on the lookout for clues about your date’s hygiene. Dirty nails, gunk between the teeth and consistently greasy hair are just some of the telling signs. Horrible body odor is another reason to run the other way. These things just show that your date doesn’t take care of his/her body, so what makes you think they’d be able to care for you?
#2 Rudeness. Whether your date is being consistently rude to you or to other people around you, it’s never a good sign. To their benefit, give them three chances since it’s possible that your date was being unintentionally rude. But if you notice that the intent is to insult or to demean a person, you have the right to turn your back and walk away.
#3 Arrogance. There are just some people who can’t help but brag about their accomplishments. They can talk about how much money they make or how many awards they’ve received or how heavy their weights are at the gym. Sometimes, these things can feel like genuine pride in what they’re good at, which is perfectly fine.
But if you notice that your conversations always seem to revolve around what he/she is good at, then you should watch out lest you be blown away with all the hot air your date is spewing!
#4 Low self-esteem. This is the opposite of the above red flag, but it can be equally annoying. There are some people who always seem to talk about themselves in a way that makes you feel sorry for them. Signs of low self-esteem are frequently downplaying their achievements, always making you feel sorry for them or always acting like the victim of everything. Watch out for these types as you may end up being exhausted in trying to make them feel better about themselves all the time.
#5 The damsel/don in distress. This can often be mistaken for low self-esteem, but the difference is that your date is looking to you to get him/her out of a rut. Warning signs include asking you for help with the smallest things, asking you for money or asking you to take them out of a bad situation.
At first, it may feel good to be helpful and chivalrous *especially for guys*, but you may soon notice that it’s not you that your date is into, it’s what you can do for him/her.
#6 Over sharing. Some people feel the need to share the most intimate details of their lives with you to feel like they’re making a connection. Sharing too much too soon, however, is not healthy dating behavior. There are some things you’d definitely want to save for future conversations or for the time when you feel completely at ease with the person you’re dating.
#7 Audience seekers. Have you ever been out on a date where you can’t seem to put a word in whenever your date starts talking? Audience seekers are people who always want to find an audience to tell about whatever’s going on in their lives. They couldn’t care less about your life because it’s all “me, me, me!” for them. These people just love hearing the sound of their own voice!
#8 “My ex this, my ex that.” Talking about the ex on the first date is acceptable, but only if it’s limited to about a minute or two of the conversation. However, if you find yourself out on a date with someone who can’t stop yammering about the ex, then it’s an obvious sign that they’re still not over the ex. The person you’re dating may either be looking for a rebound relationship or they just want someone to complain to.
#9 People whose lives are way too interesting to be real. Take note, there are a couple of people out there who live genuinely interesting and thrilling lives. But if you’re out on a date with someone who’s “in between jobs” and can hardly afford rent, what are the odds that this same person goes for wellness and spa vacations to Europe every three months or rubs elbows with Hollywood stars?
Either you’re on a date with someone who’s a pathological liar that’s trying hard to make his/her life seem more interesting or you’re dating someone who’s downright delusional! Our advice? Quit while you’re ahead.
#10 Being clingy. It feels good to know that someone is really into you, especially if you’re also into him/her as well. But when they start to put a fence around you to make sure you’re theirs and theirs alone, then this can be a clear sign of clinginess. Other wanting signs include incessantly texting you, being inappropriately jealous or picking mock fights so you’d give him/her attention. If you see this sign even before the third date, you can either confront them about it or just call the whole thing off.
#11 Can’t part with their phone for two minutes. If you always feel like you’re intruding when your date is tap-tap-tapping away at their phone, then this can show that they’re more interested in checking their Facebook or Twitter than having a real-live conversation with you. Honestly, who wants to date someone with such an unhealthy attachment to their phone?
#12 “I technically haven’t broken up with my girlfriend/boyfriend.” Note the use of the word “technically.” How much more technical can a breakup get? Either they’re still together or they aren’t. If you hear this uttered during any of your dates, take it a sign that your date isn’t ready to break up with their significant other, but they still want to give it a shot with you.
#13 Being too touchy. If you haven’t given any outward signs that you’re okay with touching, then your date may not be respectful of your boundaries. Touching usually starts at the hands, and if both parties are comfortable, they can take it from there. However, if your date already has his/her hands all over you, then this can show that they want to escalate your relationship at a pace you may not be comfortable with. Want to set up a boundary? Try putting a wall between the both of you and call it quits!
Sometimes, it’s easy to get smitten and overlook these signs. But it’s these very 13 warning signs during the first few dates that come back to haunt you as the relationship progresses. So unless you want your heart trampled on, make your move only after considering these signs.